Month: May 2019

Attrition of Alzheimer’s

Countless people watch disease ravage those they care about daily. The human body is finite. For some, the anguish begins early in life. For others, it is felt well into the future. Yet all our bodies will fail us. A question probably becomes, is it harder to suffer yourself, or watch those you love suffer?

My grandmother on my mom’s side was ravaged by Alzheimer’s. I only got to see some of the early effects as a young child. I heard second hand stories from aunts and uncles. Some things you couldn’t help but chuckle about at times, but if you see the reality on a daily basis, it becomes a war of attrition. Not only for the loved one suffering, but for those taking care.

As a young adult, it became clear something was off with my mother as she entered the middle of her 60s. She had always feared that she would be impacted in the way her mother was. Unfortunately, her fears were realized. Perhaps the lone difference for my mom is that she wasn’t living alone. Dad was still around. And I was only a few miles away. Until I moved home as well. The ability to stay at home is extended by comparison.

What you witness with Alzheimer’s is incredibly dark. A person who was once self-sufficient and capable of doing amazing things loses ability. It is rarely a dramatic jump. It is gradual. It is a war of attrition for them and for you.

The first time a frozen dinner is melted in the microwave, you think it is a mistake anyone could make if their attention gets lost and the timer miskeyed. When it happens a couple of more times in the future, it becomes a pattern. The microwave is no longer an option. The curling iron gets left plugged in and left on. The curling iron has to go away. Makeup is put on in the wrong places. The makeup goes away. Driving to the store becomes an incompletable maze. The car goes away. Draw strings or belts on pants become difficult to understand, the pants become replaced with elastics waistbands. Clothes get put on backwards, inside out, or in double. Assistance with dressing and undressing is required.

Personalities can change. The meek and mild can be replaced by the frustrated, angry outbursts of one lacking social sensitivities. It can happen in public or in private. The uninitiated to the new personality can be put off by it. Others understand and try to be kind. The person you love and care for is there in the flesh, but somewhere behind the eyes the very soul can feel absent.

There are occasional moments of intense clarity. The cognizance to put more complex thoughts together. But as the attrition of Alzheimer’s continues, those moments become fewer. Memories are lost. Memories are confused. Delusions are born. Mistakes are made. Questions repeated 20 times in 30 minutes. The bad moments and days grow. Sometimes the sufferer can make sense of the fact that they are in fact struggling with a disease. Other times, they forget the disease entirely and will die on a hill when correction of a mistaken behavior is attempted. For them, the actions and behaviors are rational and right.

It is a difficult walk for the caregiver. Being as kind and loving as possible is interrupted time to time with flare ups of frustration and misunderstanding. You often just have to walk away from the verbal discussion that has turned into an unintelligible chaos for the emotional betterment of everyone. You learn when to let things go, but no one is perfect. Everyone can have something get under their skin. The victim doesn’t understand this all the time, but the caregiver must try to diffuse broken paths of communication as quickly as possible without getting angry. Anger only makes things worse.

Alzheimer’s is the definition of a losing battle today. The sufferer will not find victory in this temporal existence. There is no cure. Some drugs and medication may slow the enemy as it closes around, encircling everyone in the battle. But Alzheimer’s will not rest until it has run its course.

Pray for the loved ones who are being assaulted by this disease. Pray daily for the doctors working toward a preventative cure for the dementia diseases. Pray for the future restored soul in God’s presence for the victims of the onslaught who desperately need peace. Pray for the caregivers who struggle to keep things going as long as possible before more permanent care options are needed. Pray for the strangers who have yet to encounter the sufferer, who may lack the appropriate sensitivities to function in public.

Most of all, approach each moment out of love and understanding in the midst of the un-understandable. The battle will not be won, but you can at least fight as valiantly as possible to make the years count. To make them feel loved and cared for before they forget everything and fade from the Earth. My God touch everyone in this battle, to know His love, and each others love, are more powerful than this disease.

May 16, 2019
Prompt Series #3 – What is the best present you’ve ever been given?

Question: What is the best present you’ve ever been given? Who gave it to you and what made it the best?

As an only child, I feel I was spoiled quite often. The magnitude of toys, games, cheap little trinkets, etc. that piled up in my possession is somewhat embarrassing at times. By no means did I have more than many in my classes, but I had plenty to spare. I have no shortage of gifts, at least from parents, as candidates. I really only had one birthday party as a child, and given I was born in great proximity to Christmas, much of the year would be barren, save for my nagging about something at the store. Yet one gift above all others sticks out as the best. A study Bible, given Christmas 1997 by my mom.

Christmas 1997 was a unique Christmas. My grandpa, uncle, and sister came down to visit us. We spent some time with grandpa’s siblings in the Tampa/Clearwater area. The gift giving portion of Christmas was split in three segments: a couple on Christmas eve, a few Christmas morning, and the big gift in the evening. The Bible was part of Christmas eve’s unveiled items. We had to leave early Christmas morning to spend most of the daylight hours in Tampa. The big gift that evening was a Nintendo 64 console, with Madden 64. As a kid who loved his NES and Super Nintendo, getting the N64 was a big deal. But yet, that Bible still overshadowed it in the end.

What makes it the best gift takes some explaining. After a rough time in our family several years earlier, my mom started to go to church again. She brought me along, and while sermons were unintelligibly boring to my 1st grade mind, it was a seed. As time progressed, my mom took me to other churches and the youth programs planted more seeds. My 5th grade mind was starting to truly grasp who God was and why Jesus was important. I knew I wanted to follow God, I felt the call, but I didn’t truly understand it until the summer of 1997 between 6th and 7th grade. During that span, as I grew to understand the world and its darkness and my need for the light of salvation only God could provide. I embraced God’s call that summer.

I had made the commitment to be baptized sometime after Thanksgiving. We wanted to time it around the family being in town for Christmas. I believe it was going to be the evening service the Sunday before Christmas when a children’s performance with music would be held. Ultimately I got very sick the weekend prior to Christmas. I remember waking, walking into the bathroom, and fainting. I had a high fever and was sick a few days, through Christmas. My baptism was delayed until January, namely on Super Bowl Sunday in 1998. That was also the first time my dad went to church with mom and me.

It was really around this time that the Bible I had been given that Christmas started to be utilized. I was reading nightly. The first book I truly read with any kind of personal, private understanding was Ecclesiastes. I simply opened the Bible and that was the book I had landed on. I moved on to the New Testament and continued to dive deeper into God’s word as years progressed. That Bible was my primary source for reading scripture, with its study sections and other augmented learning sections, up until college.

I am certainly no perfect individual. I would say in many ways I am still guilty of drinking milk when I should be devouring steak in my life with Christ. I didn’t always read scripture with such consistency, fervor, or reverence. There have been mountains and valleys along the way. But certainly no gift meant more to helping grow the seeds that were planted than that Bible.

While the Nintendo 64 was fun and I had great times with friends, I eventually sold it. I regret that somewhat now, given the retro craze the last decade, but I still have that study Bible. I’ve moved on to other translations and more robust study content, but it is always there on one of my bookshelves as a reminder of the days when I felt the most alive and newly inspired by the creator of the universe.

The Bible gift of Christmas 1997. The Student’s Life Application Study Bible.

May 4, 2019
Prompt Series #1 – What is the nicest restaurant you’ve ever been to?

Question: What is the nicest restaurant you’ve ever been to? Where was it? What did you order?

I’ve eaten at a lot of places. Having lived in five states and traveled to at least 20, I’ve had my share of adventures. I’ve eaten the absolutely common fast food. I’ve eaten the high end at Ruth’s Chris Steak House. The most important place with some of the best food though may be Taliano’s Italian Restaurant.

Taliano’s is in Fort Smith, Arkansas. This is a border city in western Arkansas within sight of Oklahoma across the river. As a city, it features maybe 90,000 people today. It is where my parents met on the tennis courts at Ben Geren. It has a history as a gateway to the west and Indian Territory, as one of the last locations along the Trail of Tears. A location of discipline, law, order, and hangings in the wild west.

Taliano’s is where my dad proposed to my mom. The Italian restaurant itself is fairly close to my mom’s old home. A few streets over in the older part of town with plenty of houses pushing near100 years old. The building is an old house, converted into a very unique dining establishment. I’ve eaten there twice as far as I can remember. Once in 2001 on a vacation trip. Again in 2017 on a vacation to let my mom see her home town for perhaps the last time.

Taliano’s Italian Restaurant Sign

Lots of people flock to a simple place like an Olive Garden. Taliano’s has them beat by miles. The food is fresher, the atmosphere even more intimate and unique, and the memories fonder than any chain could hope to garner. Open mainly for dinner hours, it never seems to be empty. They prefer that you have a reservation, but we got in just fine without one for my mom, her sister, her sister’s husband, and myself. It seemed our visit must have corresponded with prom, or some formal event, as a table of eight high school aged kids was nearby. Their behavior was exemplary.

There is a lot of standard Italian fare on the menu. I have no idea what I ate in 2001, but in 2017 I had fettuccini alfredo. The pre-meal salad was incredibly fresh too. I believe there may have been some bread or other pre-meal items, but ultimately I enjoyed the main course. Taliano’s is not an inexpensive restaurant, but it sits up there with other higher end casual dining, such as any primary Darden entity or steak house. It was about $25 a head I think as I paid the bill after tip. Though I believe I ate all my food, the others had leftovers to enjoy later.

Fort Smith is somewhere I lived for six months in the middle of my single digit years. Both sets of grandparents lived here. As mentioned, my parents met here, and the restaurant played a role in their relationship. Fort Smith is not the biggest town, it doesn’t have all the attractions of a major city, but it has its culture and special places. Taliano’s is one of those places. Unlike the bland suburban and urban environments somewhere like Orlando has, with all its attractions and famous destinations, Fort Smith has something special to it. Houses have character, national historic locations have presence, and the people seem to have a relaxed kindness. While the world gravitates the population back to the mega cities and builds new mega cities, lets pray somewhere like Fort Smith can still exist with its special places like Taliano’s tucked away in the neighborhoods of old. It was here before I was born, lets hope it is still there when I die for the next generations to enjoy.

May 1, 2019